


Okay

by Dogsledwolf



Category: Leviathan - Scott Westerfeld
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 10:25:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12839205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dogsledwolf/pseuds/Dogsledwolf
Summary: "I am not a girl!" Dylan cried, whirling on Volger with fury in his eyes.My take on transboy Dylan.





	Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is pretty much unedited so please feel free to point out any grammar or spelling mistakes. Also I have no experience with being trans so if I got any of this wrong or if it's offending in anyway please tell me so I can fix it.

When Deryn Sharp first joined the air force she was simply pretending to be a boy out of necessity. There was no other way for her to become a midshipman. And then she got used to it, the constant "Mr. Sharp", the comforting binding of her chest, being treated exactly like anyone else even though _she_ would be considered _inferior_. She even relished in looking like a boy, her flat chest, trousers, and calloused hands fit her more than long hair and dresses had ever fit.

After a while referring to herself as a girl felt like a lie just as calling herself a boy. So Deryn changed from Deryn to a limbo between that and Dylan. Not quite Dylan, but not quite Deryn. They dropped all female pronouns, choosing instead for non gendered ones.

Lilit kissed them and it felt horribly wrong. Which just confused them even more. Did they have any right to not be a girl when they weren't attracted to girls? That was how it worked, boys with girls, girls with boys. Was their body telling them they were a girl? Was this whole thing made up?

They pondered over this for a while, and it only got worse as they fully realized their feelings for Alek. But they couldn't love him, not when they weren't a girl. Dylan, as they'd been calling themself - it fit better than Deryn did - knew that sometimes boys liked boys or girls liked girls but they weren't sure about it. They brought up the topic discreetly with Newkirk, who'd been known to have flirted with boys as well as girls. They were hoping he'd be able to help their dilemma.

* * *

 

"Aren't you blunt," Newkirk said, "but yes, I find boys attractive, don't see the big deal about it. It's just the same as liking girls. Why do you wanna know anyways?"

"Curiosity?" Dylan replied.

"Get stuffed, what's the real reason? Do you like someone?"

They blushed deeply, trying to formulate a response.

"I bet it's Alek, is it Alek?"

Not trusting their voice they nodded slowly feeling their face heat up.

"My advice is to just be careful, you won't ever be able to marry and in some place you could get hanged."

"Hanged?" Dylan gasped incredulously. "For simply loving someone?"

"I know, barking mad isn't it?"

"Aye," they agreed.

* * *

 

Now that Dylan knew more about it they felt better about themself, their inner turmoil was dissipating with each revelation. That's why when Count Volger discovered their assigned gender it stung. During their fencing lessons he refused to call them anything but girl. The word hurt like a slap because they weren't a _girl_ , they hadn't been for a while. They even felt themself sliding gradually into male pronouns, Dylan begin to fit better than ever, and for the first time he felt truly like a boy.

And then Count Volger ruined it all. Constantly calling him a girl and telling him he had no place on this ship as a female. So Dylan hated him, hated the way his words brought tears to his eyes because it made him feel like a girl but he was anything but a girl. He hated the constant snide remarks and the blackmailing. At one point he cracked.

"I am not a girl!" Dylan cried, whirling on Volger with fury in his eyes. "I'm a boy damn it you ugly bum rag even if my biology says different that doesn't change a thing, and if you don't respect that I'll get you thrown off this ship!"

Count Volger just laughed, "Silly girl, you don't know what you're talking about all this dress up has "scrambled your attic" as you say."

It felt sort of childish, but Dylan spit on him, the glob landing on his freshly cleaned jacket, and then walked out out of the room.

He was still seething with anger when he ran into Alek and Bovril.

"Woah, Dylan, are you alright?" Alek asked immediately concern lacing his voice.

The question brought tears to his eyes which only made things worse. "I'm fine," he mumbled, "just tired."

"Just tired, _Mr_. Sharp." Bovril said, stressing the Mister like always.

"Stop it!" Dylan replied, ignoring the confused look Alek gave him. "Stop calling me that. You should know better, are you perspicacious or not."

Bovril gave him a look, then finally answered. "Mister Dylan Sharp."

"Thank you beastie," he sighed.

"What just happened?" Alek asked looking even more confused than before.

"Don't worry about it."

* * *

 

When Alek called him Deryn he almost didn't notice, something about the sentence was off. When Bovril repeated it he realized. Alek knew. He had half the mind to run away, but he needed to explain the situation to Alek. He caught up to Alek but he wouldn't listen.

"I'm not a girl, Alek," he pleaded. "Why don't you understand that."

"Then why did you respond to Deryn?" He inquired, hurt lacing his voice. "Is anything that you told me true?"

"Yes of course it is, and I responded to Deryn because it was my name, but not anymore. I haven't been Deryn in a long time." He said, but Alek had already walked off, leaving him alone and hurt.

They make up, and Alek calls him Deryn.

"I meant what I said the night you found out you know, I'm not a girl anymore. I'm Dylan not Deryn, no matter my biology." Dylan tells him, ignoring how strange Deryn sounds referring to her.

"I'm not sure I completely understand Dylan, but I'll try." Alek says, and it's enough.

* * *

 

On top of the Leviathan Alek makes him promise to keep no secrets so he kisses him. Alek wakes up and doesn't look horrified so Dylan thinks it's a good thing. He knows they'll have to talk about this but for now he's content to let it stay how it is.

They talk about it later, hiding away in Alek's room. It's all awkward glances and mumbles until Dylan managed to gather his courage.

"I like you, do you like me?" He asks bluntly.

Alek blushes heavily at the question, but he nods, "Yes, I like you."

"Perfect then there's no problem,"

"Even though we're both boys?" Alek asks, having long gotten used to Dylan being Dylan.

"Shouldn't be a problem, we could even get married since I'm biologically female." He says, before his words catch up to him and he stutters and blushes. "I didn't mean- not that I wouldn't- I just- barking spiders!"

"I understand what you mean," Alek says, laughing softly.

"Oh get stuffed," Dylan replies pushing Alek over who in turn retaliates by dragging him with him. This makes Dylan end up on top of Alek, faces mere inches apart. Alek let's out a surprised noise before cupping the back of Dylan's neck and pulling his head down to kiss him. Dylan immediately kisses him back focusing on Alek and Alek only. It's too soon when they're breaking apart, cheeks rosy and gasping for breath. Their lips reconnect before either one has time to catch their breath but the feeling of closeness is decidedly more important. This time when they break apart they lie next to each other. Dylan flips them over so that Alek is on top of him and Alek fits his head under Dylan's in the crook of his neck. For once, everything is okay. They'll be okay.


End file.
